I Make a Blog, You get to LOL.

This blog is now redundant

because I am home.

There is shit all over my room and so many things I want to do but I don’t even care because I just realised how tired I am so I’m about to crawl fully clothed into MY OWN BED for the first time in nearly five stupid months and basically die of happiness. I had to make one last post here first though because I have some weird obsession with closure, etc. I wrote the first post the day I left and have made the last on the day I got home, makes sense right?

What can I say, really? This has been great, especially for helping me affirm my belief that personal blogs are the wankiest, most self-centred waste of time of anything ever. Lets never do this again. Thanks.

This is the first song I listened to on the bus leaving Haast and I’ve been in a constant state of overwhelmed happiness ever since. Did I truly escape? Is this really just a beautiful dream and I’m actually still there? Is a 12 hour train ride going to be unimaginably awesome or traumatically painful? UNCERTAIN.

Wellington is the coldest place I have ever been in my life and I’m not really sure how people actually carry out happy, fulfilled lives here. Aside from that though it seems to be a freakin’ sweet place to be someone who likes to get completely lost and discover the crap out of of cool things, so I’m pretty much in love. Do I still just wish I was home though? Fuck. Yes.

People aren’t supposed to look back. I’m certainly not going to do it anymore.

Haast. The people here are weird and the weather is terrible and I have somewhere much better to be, anyway. I think I’ll leave tomorrow.

You need to know I’d do this all again just to get where I am.

Oh, silly blog about my time in Haast, it’s not that I don’t care about you. It’s more that I’ve never cared about you and now that I’m so close to leaving and not really paying attention to anything that happens in my day-to-day life because of this, I have absolutely zero amounts of anything to update you with. Oh, wait, here’s a video of Freddie Mercury being awesome:

Antici……………………

……..pation!

Today I packed one of two bags that will eventually be responsible for ensuring that all of my possessions accompany me to Auckland and it’s put me in a wonderful mood. I mean, this is all finally starting to seem real, y’know? There’s this feeling of euphoria springing from the idea of finally beginning to engage in movement after months of stasis. This time in two weeks I’ll be on a train, somewhere around Hamilton, possibly sobering up from all the midday, solitary vodka drinking I will have possibly decided to engage in to deal with the boredom of travelling, the excitement of approaching the place I most want to be and the huge fear of returning to a life currently lacking any resemblance of direction. Does that all sound terribly sad and pathetic to you - midday, solitary vodka drinking? The idea of it utterly depressed me at first but I’ve warmed to it recently; let me enlighten you as to the thought process that led me to this place of acceptance and even mild anticipation:

If this blog has a theme, I feel that that theme would be ‘feelings’. And if feelings have a cure/enabler/substance-which-makes-being-a-total-asshole-seem-acceptable-to-you-because-you-have-oh-so-many-feelings, alcohol is definitely that…that. So, in honour of this blog, I’m going to drink vodka, on a train, around midday, alone, in two weeks. That’s some pretty sweet logic right there, and you know it.

I promise imma update this thing all pretty-like

just as soon as, y’know…something, like, actually happens. Or whatnot. In the mean time, let us all agree upon the awesomeness of the fact that only two weeks stand between me and getting the sweet fuck out of this place.

Stoked.

It’s cold and I miss summertime; this is a song about drugs.

You may think that that semicolon isn’t being used appropriately and that there should be a fullstopcapitalletter there instead but as far as I’m concerned those two statements belong together, like together together, forever, so you’d be wrong.

Tired. And sick of this place.

This morning the alarm on my ipod went off at 6.30 even though it was set for 7.30.

Around mid-afternoon I seriously decided that I want to learn how to play the banjo.

I just helped my mum download QuickTime over the phone. Never laughed so much in my life. It took her ten minutes to find google, and then my brother called her a noob and she was like ‘wtf is a noob?!’ and then she googled noob and I was dying on the floor and so I was like ‘focus, woman!’ and much swearing, yelling and laughter ensued; for about a split second it was almost like I was there, back home with those crazy, infuriating people. Hoo boy, I have missed them.

…………

You know when you’ve been looking forward to something for so long that when its arrival actually starts to exist within an imaginable perimeter, you get suddenly nervous and almost wish you could just stop everything, just for a little while, just until it all stops being so damn scary? 

No?

I just realised today that once I leave here I’m actually going back to a real life where I have to make real decisions about all the things I’ve been ignoring for the past 4 months. And by ‘real decisions’ I mean WHAT AM I DOING and by ‘all the things’ I mean WITH MY LIFE. I’m totally over-thinking this, right? I should just stop giving a fuck, because time doesn’t even care what I want and everything will probably be something that resembles fine…right?

Ohhhhhhh, why are feelings so gross?